Wordy sentences
contain many unnecessary words. These
sentences feel “watered down”—like you have to do a lot of work to gain a
little information. Good writing is dense and concise; the words in the
sentence work hard. Consider the following revisions.
Wordy: A few
inches of snow on the ground is all that
is necessary in order for a person to be able to go sledding.
(bolded words could be cut)
Better: Sledding requires only a few
inches of snow. (all hard-working words)
Wordy: All of the students who are new to this school are required to attend a meeting that has been scheduled for Friday the 22nd of September. (bolded words could be cut)
Better: New students are required to
attend a meeting on Friday, September 22.
The problem with
wordiness is not about the quantity of
words; there is nothing wrong with a sentence having 25 or even 75 words as
long as those words add information and detail. When reducing wordiness, be
careful not to kill the richness and expressiveness of your writing.
Not
wordy:
A bird with crimson wings glided from the jungle canopy and land-ed gracefully
on a nearby rock.
Not
better: A bird
flew from the trees to a rock.
Phrases and Constructions to
Avoid
Wordy: It was George Washington who once said, “Happiness and moral
duty are inseparably connected.”
Better: George
Washington said “Happiness and moral
duty are inseparably con-nected.”
Wordy: Due to the fact that class is cancelled, we will postpone the quiz.
Better: Because class is
cancelled, we will postpone the quiz.
Wordy: In
spite of the fact that I am failing, I have enjoyed the class.
Better: Although I am
failing, I have enjoyed the class.
Wordy: I
bought a dog for the purpose of providing me with
companionship.
Better: I
bought a dog for
companionship.
Wordy: I
will return your papers in the near future.
Better: I
will return your papers soon.
Wordy: In
my own personal opinion torture is always wrong.
Better: In
my opinion torture is always wrong.
Also:
Torture is always wrong.
Note: Sometimes wordiness results from a desire to
cheaply meet the minimum word requirement
of a writing assignment. Most instructors prefer concisely worded writing even
if it comes up a little short.
Wordy Sentences–Exercise A
Identify the wordy sentences in
the following list, and then reword them accordingly.
Not all sentences are wordy.
1. It was just the other day when I got a new
typewriter.
2. I know
that computers are a lot more efficient, but I love it.
3.
The
typewriter is one of those classic models that they used to have back in the
old days.
4. The fact is, I keep on feeding all my spare scraps
of paper and stuff through it.
5. And it really doesn’t even matter what I end up
typing.
6. I could type anything at all, and I imagine it
would still be satisfying.
7. The problem is that the ink has started to imprint
lighter and lighter.
8. It’s very clearly shown that it is in fact running
out of ink.
