Sometimes a
sentence just doesn’t sound right because it has a confusing and awkward
structure. If you find yourself slowing down or stumbling over a certain
sentence while reading aloud, you might need to rewrite the sentence and phrase
it more clearly.
How to Fix Awkward
Constructions
There is no single
rule or technique to correct awkward phrasing. A writer must develop an “ear”
for what sounds right and be willing to reword a sentence until it sounds
smooth, clear, and direct. Sometimes the act of writing can overcomplicate what
we want to say. With this in mind, pretend to describe your writing subject to
a close friend. Notice how clear it sounds when simplified. Say it aloud, and
then write it down. This is often a great fix for awkward sentences.
Awkward: Taking life a day at a time is
how I think it should be done to be happy.
Better: Taking life one day at a time
will make you happy.
A more methodical
approach to fix an awkward sentence is to identify subject and verb, then cut
the sentence down accordingly. Ask yourself, “What is this sentence about—what
is the core subject?” (Choose a noun.) Then ask, “What is this subject doing?”
(Choose a verb.) Try to choose a strong verb that conveys action, not a “be”
verb.
Awkward: The fact
that we don’t eat a balanced diet is our biggest health problem and that we don’t
get enough exercise is also a big issue.
What is this sentence about? At first
it seems it is about a bad diet, but then another im-portant subject is tagged
on the end—not enough exercise. So the sentence is about poor diet and lack of
exercise (subject). What do these things do? We don’t just want to say they “are” an issue. “Are” does not
convey action. What do poor diet and lack of exercise do? They contribute to or result in or cause
(possible verbs) our greatest health problems.
Better: Poor diet and lack of exercise
contribute to our greatest health problems.
Here’s another example.
Awkward:
The article sums it up pretty well regarding what her plan is about.
What is this sentence about? The article (noun). What does the article
do? (Notice the question doesn’t ask for a weak verb—what the article “is.”) It
“sums up” her plan. Is there a better verb than “sums up”? What about summarizes? What else do articles do? They present information (possible verbs).
Better:
The article summarizes her plan well.
Also: The
article presents an effective summary of her plan.
Avoid Word and Phrase
Repetition
Sometimes writers latch onto a nice word or phrase
and then wear it out. Two repeat offenders appear in this short paragraph: “successful
implementation” and “democracy/ democratic.”
America was the
first country to successfully implement
a democracy guaranteed
by a constitution. The process was not easy and
involved a lot of debate among the Founding Fathers, but eventually they were
able to successfully implement democratic elections. The successful
implementation of the Bill of Rights eventu-ally
brought reluctant colonies into the new democracy.
Instead,
consider using synonyms (different words, same meaning) or simply a fresh approach to the same concept. Notice
how the word “successful” is not used below; instead,
the success is evident. Effective word choices essentially speak for
themselves.
America was the first country to implement a democracy
guaranteed by a
constitution. The process was not easy and involved a lot of debate
between the Founding Fathers, but eventually they were able to hold democratic
elections. Passing the Bill of Rights eventually brought reluctant colonies
into the new nation.
Avoid Clichés
Clichés are overused phrases that have become
predictable and dull. When people read, they want to hear new and fresh
language that provides an original point of view. Here are just a few examples
of the many clichés.
Clichés
are a dime a dozen.
Her words
cut like a knife.
Beauty is
skin deep.
I couldn’t
believe my eyes.
The room
was as dark as a cave.
What goes
around comes around.
Seeing is
believing.
Avoid
blind dates like the plague.
Avoid Excessive Intensifiers
and Qualifiers
Intensifiers are words that attempt to add force or weight to a
sentence, or “intensify” it.
If these words are used too
often, they can actually weaken and water-down the writing.
It is really amazing how intensifiers make sentences very
cumbersome.
I am so glad I
know how to avoid making this extreme mistake so often.
Qualifiers are
words that indicate the limits of your claim. They are often appropriate and necessary, but too many make your writing sound wishy-washy.
Gun laws
are probably a good idea most of the time.
Occasionally
torture might be necessary
in some cases.
For
the most part it has been a somewhat good
year.
